I might learn me a little something

I recently put on my thinking cap.

Guys? Idea-time!

Meaning I was forced to make a seemingly trivial, at the same time, to me significant decision. As it is with important questions, the head always successfully manages avoiding the peripheral areas of importance to said topic. So I had the pleasure to think about of one the great things my first relationship has taught me.

I was twenty-two, (I believe, I am truly fuzzy with numbers, I will come to that later) and I did not know how to have had potatoes cooked, until my then girlfriend arrived back home from shopping. Obviously I avoided doing that. Unfortunately I agreed to fixing us a meal. All the while completely ignoring the fact, that I knew shit about it.
There I stood in the kitchen and in defiance. Thinking the whole process through for the first time. First obstacle: Potatoes.

I had one previous encounter with umwelt_leben_kartoffel_katharina_bregulla_pixelionoodles, a pot of very slimy spaghetti as result, to manifest cautiousness. In my defense, I had no idea how different stuff reacts in boiling water and I never cared. Obviously I could have paid better attention in school e.g. physics. But from my point of view, one can only endure a certain vast amount of boredom at a compact period of time and everyone’s battery fades some time.
As far as my ignorance went, my unwillingness in experimentation tried to match up, if not forced to. I have to admit, I always had a thing for eggs though. Hot plate plus an open egg and somehow, magic warm food appears. Add salt and pepper and try your luck with other ingredients. Just amazing. Some oil spares a lot of cleaning, mostly pans and or cooktops.

Back to the more recent kitchen front. I could not be bothered to shortly google the fucking problem, I immediately decided to call her and ask.
I should have known better. The friend of her roommate once tried to clean the toilet with water and toilet-paper. I never knew him, but it was a popular story told in that shared flat.
My dilemma turned out to be extremely hilarious. And it is! You can just throw them in there and pretend to not give a shit for a while or do others things, while you’re at it.
Soon everybody knew, we had a lot of fun and I was only slightly embarrassed.
Shit. But as a famous poet once said:”It wasn’t a mistake, if you have learned something.” and of course I have:

  • the sorcery of hot potatoes
  • not calling my girl-friend any more

So today I am sitting here. Several years older and countless times had my mind roaming through this whole cooking idea. Only to find out yesterday, that it would on some occasions be really smart, to count the number of spoons. If you want to eat, you might be having trouble finding out how much you have to cook or want to eat. The spoon counting trick will help you decide.
Sad thing about it?
I spent half a year working as a cook’s mate. I was never even close to this insane discovery.
Genius at work looked like this: Guy in a wifebeater threw shit together and it tasted. Next  time a little something else. It might taste like a little something else. Counting would make this game very easy. I might report if I added this new “thing” to my traits.
I have little faith, because…

As I see them, I forget

…as promised, I’ll talk about the whole “me sucking at everything concerning numbers”-shit.
For a long time I thought money was something I would never feel comfortable with. A real problem.
It is not. Well it is, but it is not my problem. But nonetheless money meddles a lot with numbers. I have a different bone to pick with money, than I have with numbers.
Numbers have more of a mystical approach to me or I to them.

Numbers are very funny. They are infinite and you can measure things. Small things like atoms, high things like skyscrapers, even wide things like the diameter of the earth or imaginary things like the worth of a human being.
You can measure everything with changing the meaning of a number. A number can change to anything.
Disturbing and as I said, funny. Nothing more, nothing less.
Play with it and you’ll might become enlightened, sometimes even rich, yet seldom both.

It is definitely a hindrance, but is it wrong to have a very reserved feeling about numbers in general?

Either way don’t fear for me. I have exceptional guessing-skills!


Stand upright,



7 responses to “I might learn me a little something

  1. So do we know the average time it takes to boil those sorcerers ?
    ~ give it your best guess ~ :P
    AND am I allowed to change the meaning of the numbers on my birth certificate? ;)

    • In fiction, mostly the sciency kind, I regularly stumbled across a group of people called Technomages. I always imagined they are already on earth and just invent all the stuff we like. For example telephones, refrigerators, the internet. The usual stuff :)

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