In phases like the ones I currently find myself in, I struggle to find beginnings.
My head constantly spins around my being. I can hardly focus on morphing my views into apposite remarks, words or metaphors. As I have stated, I am pretty self-absorbed. Claiming I had egocentric tendencies would be a major understatement.
In the past I weighed up to 85 Kg and down to 56 Kg. In either state I stood in front of the mirror and let naked judgment pass. The verdict: Magnificent. Right now I do not work in any way. I struggle with day-to-day tasks and duties, additionally I live of my families backing and welfare. Guess who I deem the hottest act around?
You are a pretty good guesser.
I fail to see my path, I tremble in wake of my potential. When revealed I always do. I cease to act. I become passive.
However I cannot step back. Forward is the only option I see. Recent occurrences eventuate in light of a standstill. I cannot proceed therefore I stop dead and observe. I focus on myself and am plagued by it.
I am plagued through my past, future, present and the hypothetical. A medley composed of raging lullabies and cursing ballades burning into my conscience and wreaking havoc through my powers of imagination. This is my reality, my truth. I fail to corroborate. I am in doubt evermore.
Nonetheless will there be no retreat only regret.