The Newsroom

It is cold outside. I ensconed myself enshrouded with a woollen blanket in my chair. The wind hammers relentlessly against the window and I am drinking hot chocolate with cookies.
If I would have only known earlier how proficient the Swiss are at manufacturing coffee, I would have regretted more the German Kaiser Wilhelm II. failure in never delivering on his threat to send half a million men to occupy Switzerland. The Swiss’, with a 250.000 men strong militia, dry reply? Shoot twice and go home.

Hot-Chocolate-w-Cookies

Well today was kinda fun. Rode with the bike, bounced on it, hurt my balls, nearly crashed due to frozen streets and returned home.
But outside my little reality, the world is on fire! Well not literally, more in a comedic manner.

First step: Australia

I expect very little from this right-wing, populist government and its people, but I truly understand their struggle. Too much land, too few people. And like all British colonies a major inferiority complex. This complex produces a narcissistic world-view and a certain affection for your own kin. Everybody loves family of course, but these guys brought it to a whole new level and generations of inbreeding. With all the clichés. Blind, deaf, mutated and so on. Only four generations. One step back on the civilization scale Australia and you miss the next turn.

PrinceCharles

Don’t look at me like that. You’re next.

 

The other inbred Part of the World – The United Kingdom

The single most fucked up country in the EU. Seriously. Not only is there no other country that resembles George Orwells dystopia more precisely. Here is what centuries of fucking your cousin rewards you with.
There exists this funny thing called fracking. I do not want to go into detail, because frankly I don’t give a shit. It is a difficult process. You drill into the earth and shoot some fluids into it and magically appears shit you want to sell to someone. Problem is, it is highly polluting. The Canadians can sing more than one song about this. The British government gave another piece of evidence that companies are no people. People would have to pay for the shit they destroy, pollute or vandalize. Not fracking companies in England. Guess who pays for it.

i-m-sorry-its-not-me-its-you

 

The lunatic Republic of Romania

In a smooth move Romania exempts some layers of the population from corruption laws. Of course not only the faithful president, senators and politicians in general. Take a wild guess. Who is inherently trustworthy like those? Exactly! Lawyers. Because lawyers serve the country as public officials.  Shoot me in the head and fuck my skull. Or celebrate your christmas carols on state tv station TVR 3 Verde with the joy of burning Jews through the chimneys on the street. Smart move.

borat_01_600

Remember where this little village was?

 

To the Danish Idiots

The Pirate Bay is in the news. Twice!
First it moved its address to Ascension Island and second one of its founders was extradited from Sweden to Denmark. In Denmark Gottfried Svartholm is held in solitary confinement without a warrant for looking into others data, if at all. But the presumption of innocence is nowadays worth the pain in my balls. A cool pack and my middle finger. Fuck you Denmark.

Blind Justice

With computer magic justice is not blind any more, but you at least saw her tits.

Do we have more? Yes, other Jona we have. We have indeed.

 

Meanwhile in Russia:

Putin declares Russia as moral compass to the world. My words would fail me, but this murderous cunt is always able to make me laugh. Since they had the more drunk version of Bill Clinton as president I can only smile when I see one of them pretending to be elected for something. Funny place.

MeanwhileinRussia-37364

 

Yemen is the place to be

Drone strikes again. Thirteen dead. Sadly I have no idea if it was the bride price. These Americans sure know how to crash a wedding. But who gives a fuck. Sure they were terrorists or knew one or could knew one. Certainly they looked like one.

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Good news as well! Over half a million people are infected with a type of tuberculosis that is resistant to the two most common medications. But mostly in third world countries. That means on the one hand very little chances of discovering these infected, but on the other hand not us. Puhh.

But don’t worry! What you should worry about is the fake sign dude on Mandelas burial faking Obamas speech.

While wishing to give you some funny news from Germany, I have to admit that the only local news I consume is the newsletter delivered by our local grocery store.

I honestly considered giving quotes. This way it sounds more like crazy talk. I like crazy talk and it gives you the fair chance of ignoring me.

 
 

Stand upright,

Jona

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